White lies in Montessori classroom

When talking about 3-6 years old children, we need to remember: memory, intelligence and will are still developing. If you catch your child telling a tale, or denying something you know he's done, chances are he isn't purposefully trying to deceive you. At this age reasons are:

• Forgetfulness. 3- 6 years old children have short memories; for example, a child grabs a classmate's toy that they liked, they then disregard the toy as not important - if we ask them why they took it in the first place- they may not even know why.

• Wishful thinking. When a child declares that he didn't break your china vase, he's not really trying to get away with something. He's just wishing it didn't happen .

• An active imagination. At this age, kids have a rich fantasy life.

• A desire to avoid disapproval or most commonly, finding approval. So they may need to exaggerate something or even lie about doing or seeing something to make you smile, get your attention, create conversation, etc.As frustrating as it may be, keep in mind that even this kind of manipulative truth-stretching is normal, since 4-5 year olds are always testing parental boundaries and their own power.

• A craving for attention. Sometimes, telling a tall tale is a way to get a response out of you — and they might not even care if it's a negative one. This type of "exploratory lying" may continue if it gets them the attention desired.

• A sense of control. When your child falsely states that they fixed something or they warned about something that was going to happen.

• A need to know you better. A 3- 6 years old, will not start a conversation like " mom, I want to know what do you think about hiding things on purpose from other people" , or " dad , I want to know what you feel about ....(any topic really)."

• What adults can do about children lying?

Start talking about why lies are bad. Be simple and short. Keep in mind that you won't have much of a dialogue with a child at this age — you'll be doing most of the talking — but it's good to clarify to them what you think about lying and be specific with examples. In another year or two, you'll be able to have more fruitful conversations. You can also read children's stories that deal with the issue of honesty. Some good ones for this age group are Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire, by Diane DeGroat; Ruthie and the (Not So) Teeny tiny Lie, by Laura Rankin; and Arthur and the True Francine, by Marc Brown. And of course, the best way to teach your kindergartner honesty is to be honest yourself.